eating disordered?

My 2nd daughter...third child is 2 months old tomorrow. She's so freakin cute. Ofcourse all babies are cute...but well you know, this one is mine. She's been having pooping problems. Wednesday she went the whole day without pooping but had one thursday....Cross your fingers for a nice one today. Mommyhood. Yea, fun.

Anyway...here's the thing (and you would think that this post would be strickly about 'New baby' but come on people.....Its my THIRD one! And this babycare business is like second nature to me.) Its been two months and Ive lost all of the weight I gained from the pregnancy...can fit into all of my old clothes...I weigh 130 pounds and it doesnt look like I just had a baby. I didnt lose this weight by excercising since I have the baby and husband gets home late from work, Its just impossible. I basically just cut down the cals and went hungry for a month and a half. Hey it worked. Thing is Im still not satisfied. Why the hell do I want to weigh less than 130 pounds??? I'm 5'7- thats a good weight right?

Now Im feeling guilty for eating...not overeating mind you....just normal eating. Am I eating disordered? I'll be 29 in november....is this just a manifestation of my fear of 30? Whether it is or not...I'm going to weigh 120 by this time next month. I have already decided that...and when Ive decided something then...its basically written in stone. So 120 here I come. If I want it...if it'll make be feel happier...more comforatable why not? Here in Malaysia, almost all women are thin. I dont want to be the big fat american lady so screw you!! stop trying to talk me out of it.