Its the end of the world as we know it and I feel fiiinnnneee.

When I was a kid, I learned in history class and from media and movies that A really evil guy named Adolf Hitler came to be a dictator- King- Ceasar of Germany right before World War 2. I learned, from television mostly, (Most of the things I know, or think I know, -I learned from TV.) that slowly...incrimintally, he imposed evil upon the Germans like the old frogs in the pot analogy- they (the german people) accepted one small evil at a time until their government were killing millions of people in concentration camps and gas chambers.

I used to wonder how all those people could be soooo stupid. How they could have such a lack of intuition and discerment as to not recognize evil when it was upon them. Maybe they allowed themselves to become evil. Maybe they recognized it but simply decided to accept it. It was probably a mixture of both. Ignorance and acceptance. Ofcourse it was.

Now I wonder the same thing about Americans today as we make our way- or rather they make our way- into WW3. I see an evil dictatorship in control of a misled population, and I wonder how an idiot like me can see what's happening but others can't. Why the hell are they so blind?

One thing (or more) about me: I dont use correct punctuation, speeling or grammer because these things dont really reveal one'd true intelligence. I usually dont correct a typo because I dont think its important enough to waste my time with. The only thing that matters is the point- your subject matter. You might stop reading this becaUSE OF THE IMPROPER use of the colon I just used in the first sentence of this paragraph. You may see the all capitol words in that last sentence and decide im un-professional because I accidently hit the capslock key with my pinky. But an intuative person would hardly notice these things. They'd dismiss these things imediatley and suspend judgement. They'd be concerned with the point- the subject- the message.

Alota people who can recognize the truth about this Post 911 world are poeple like me. People that are dismissed because of superficial judgement. The percieved flaws that srnt corrected because the particulars are insignificant, and yet are percieved by petty people to be a perfectly logical attribute for judgement. Things like appearance and grammer. Pfft.

(Don't get me wrong, I like to look good but- ofcoarse appearance is not a perfect reflection of who we are.)

I am not a smart woman. I have not the sin of pride. I am not decieved.

Rasberry sound

Its hard to get in shape when you have no way to excersice. Husband gets home at 9- Then its dinner. I have the baby all day except for the weekends but weekends are for fun not excercise. S0- {rasberry sound}!

I dont want to lift weights or jog. I wish I had a stair master. Ohwell. I think I'll demand a stair master when we move into our Bighouse in November. There will be a bighuge room for a gym. Maybe we could get one excercise machine at a time. That would be awsome.

I weigh 61 KG's so Ive got about 4-5 to lose. No biggy, I'll take it nice and slow. I guess I could do more vigorous household chores as excercise that way I'll actually be getting something done while expending energy.

Ok then today
-Clean out freezer, junk drawer, office drawers and...thats all, thats all that needs to be done besides normal daily cleaning.

This is officially the most boring blog entry ever!

Made of Meat

"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"
"So... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"
"Oh my! You're serious then. They're made out of meat." "Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years." "So what does the meat have in mind?" "First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat?"
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multi-beings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

Oh Yeah

I love Johnny Depp. He's weird, handsome, and wonderful. I love every character he has ever played. I love that he makes a perfect pirate. He seems to be a man who truly loves freedom. Freedom of expression, of thought....freedom from the fear of what everyone else thinks. If I ever met him, I'd have a lot to say- but would get all tounge tied and blush and completely blow the opportunity by creating more than a few moments of awkward silence. But then he'd probably save me by saying something absolutely fascinating.

Wookie

Ok. You see that dog over there? The one I'm holding? I dont know why the hell I took a pic of myself with that dog!(Wookie- My 10 year old son loves starwars) I guess I thought it'd be cute or something. What's not cute and attractive about a woman with a cute obedient dog? OK The truth is....that damn dog is always in trouble. Im always punishing her and spanking her and yelling...OUT! While pointing to the sliding glass door. A few days ago I caught her chewing on Sophie's brand new #2 soft advent nipple at 3:00 in the morning. I heard her chewing on it and it woke me up. (Im a light sleeper) TOTALLY RUINED! She's chewed the hands and feet off of atleat five's of my 5yr old daughter's barbies. She's been outside for the last two days as punishment. I just finished cleaning off the porch...I gave her a bath and some attention. The reason why I write this is because I feel like a fraud. From that pic you'd think I was the best dog owner this side of the earth. But the truth is...My dog chews on things and I am forever spanking her for it.

Nose jobs...weight loss. Am I really this superficial? Yes. And No. My son is on the otherside of the earth. I dont want to write or even think about it. Its too painful. I let him go. The most painful part is that he wanted to go and that breaks my heart. He's 10. And I cant write about it anymore. All this other stuff I write about...these issues are nonissues. Just a distraction because I need one. ;( He'll be back next year. Hopefully.

eating disordered?

My 2nd daughter...third child is 2 months old tomorrow. She's so freakin cute. Ofcourse all babies are cute...but well you know, this one is mine. She's been having pooping problems. Wednesday she went the whole day without pooping but had one thursday....Cross your fingers for a nice one today. Mommyhood. Yea, fun.

Anyway...here's the thing (and you would think that this post would be strickly about 'New baby' but come on people.....Its my THIRD one! And this babycare business is like second nature to me.) Its been two months and Ive lost all of the weight I gained from the pregnancy...can fit into all of my old clothes...I weigh 130 pounds and it doesnt look like I just had a baby. I didnt lose this weight by excercising since I have the baby and husband gets home late from work, Its just impossible. I basically just cut down the cals and went hungry for a month and a half. Hey it worked. Thing is Im still not satisfied. Why the hell do I want to weigh less than 130 pounds??? I'm 5'7- thats a good weight right?

Now Im feeling guilty for eating...not overeating mind you....just normal eating. Am I eating disordered? I'll be 29 in november....is this just a manifestation of my fear of 30? Whether it is or not...I'm going to weigh 120 by this time next month. I have already decided that...and when Ive decided something then...its basically written in stone. So 120 here I come. If I want it...if it'll make be feel happier...more comforatable why not? Here in Malaysia, almost all women are thin. I dont want to be the big fat american lady so screw you!! stop trying to talk me out of it.

The Hump

See that nose? The hump will be gone on August the 22nd. Vain...me? Well yea or just overly self conscious. I do have an excuse though. My nose didnt always look like this. See that guy standing beside me in the picture. All I'll say is that its all his fault and he has to fix it. No hard feelings towards him- all is forgiven. As long as it gets fixed..(and looks better than it did before the "incident") Hehe. Paybacks are hell.

My mishapen head

You cant tell from the picture posted above due to the strategically placed dog and the caculated way that my hair falls around my face but.... My head is shaped weird. I first learned of this when a boy named Skyler made the comment in the 5th grade. "It looks like someone hit you in the head with a shovel." Indeed it does. My head is the shape of a bean's profile. It protrudes out of my neck and archs like a question mark. I have the weirdest looking face I've ever seen, atleast until about a week ago.
I was getting and xray done of my face. This xray has nothing to do with my beanhead. Dr. Surey wanted to make sure that my septum wasn't diviated, (whatever the hell that means). He basically wanted proof of the way my nose is now, so that he wouldnt be blamed of any wrongdoing in the future. I guess he didn't want me sueing him after the surgery claiming that he deviated my septum, (whatever the hell that means). Anyway this has nothing to do with my mishapen head. It has to do with hers. The old chinese woman behind the counter at the xray office. Her head was just as weird as mine. No weirder. Wierder in the same way. The same way that Alexander the Great's head was weird. They have a name for this weird head syndrome but I don't know what it is. This woman could have been my twin...except that she's chinese and like 30 years older than me.
I'm hoping that this rhinoplasty will change the overall shape of my head. Who am I kidding? Well atleast it will remove the hump from my nose. A minor surgery actually, not a full nose job. Just a hump removal.